Humor News

Bill Gates to Devote Life To Charity; Make Money And

Published: June 5, 2011

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Bill Gates to Devote Life To Charity; Make Money And You Can, Too Bill Gates announced that he will transition out of his day-to-day role at Microsoft by July 2008 in order to spend more time working on the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, which focuses on global health and education. His announcement reminded us [...]


Bill Clinton In Secret Talks With Hillary; Agrees To Run

Published: May 31, 2011

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Bill Clinton In Secret Talks With Hillary; Agrees To Run For Vice President Former President Bill Clinton has been holding secret talks with his wife and wannabe President Hillary and has, the rumor mill informs us, agreed to be her Vice Presidential candidate. In an exclusive interview, he confided, Even though I want to help [...]


Berlosconi Gets Plate of Spaghetti In Face

Published: May 23, 2011

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Silvio Berlusconi, the media tycoon who became the outspoken, conservative Prime Minister of Italy, was recently handed an electoral plate of spaghetti in the face. As you no doubt have read, he lost a narrow race to a left-of-center challenger, who the deep-pocketed Berlusconi outspent many times over. Although Berlusconi continues to contest the vote, [...]


Beginners Guide To The Internet

Published: May 14, 2011

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Recent studies have shown that there are now well over one hundred websites available on the computernet. This puts it second only to ceefax as a useful source of information. Monkey Empire has rounded up the best of these sites, ones which enhance the life of real people like you, not the spotty bearded freaks [...]


Bathroom Palacial

Published: April 19, 2011

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I had to play a joke on the maid at a hotel where I was staying. You know that little paper wrapper they place over the toilet seat, that thin paper band that is supposed to convince you that the facility is clean. You normally take the paper band off and throw it away when [...]


Bat Ejection Techniques Country Survival Course #27

Published: March 20, 2011

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People lie! They lie about the bliss of rural relocation. They lie about the size of fish they catch. They lie about being there for you. But, mostly, they lie about bats! Such a silly thing, yet no one can admit the ugly truth. Bats only come into your house. It never happens to me, [...]


Basketball For Short People: Basket To Be Lowered

Published: February 23, 2011

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Since the 1950s, when short but fast players had a chance of making it onto a professional court such as the legendary Bob Cousy of the Boston Celtics, known for startling innovations like dribbling and passing behind the back the sport has been dominated by ever taller athletes, starting with the arrival of Wilt, The [...]


Baby Boomers Moderate Exercise; Notice Scarcity of Seniors In Marathons

Published: January 25, 2011

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Baby Boomers Moderate Exercise; Notice Scarcity of Seniors In Marathons Baby boomers, who exercise more than any generation before them, have been flocking to orthopedic surgeons to tend to their aching tendons and joints. As news of the growing need for surgical intervention spread, a number of boomers have found the willpower to moderate the [...]


Avant Garde Composer Creates New Piece, Called Making Popcorn

Published: January 24, 2011

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An American avant garde composer, who takes his inspiration from the most upstart composers of recent times, had a piece performed last night at Carnegie Hall, titled Making Popcorn. The Boston Pops Orchestra, which commissioned the piece, left the stage to make way for the performance. Stagehands then wheeled out a popcorn-making machine and prepared [...]


Audit Report on Katrina Debit Cards; Some Recipients Swam In

Published: January 9, 2011

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Audit Report on Katrina Debit Cards; Some Recipients Swam In Champagne A federal audit on the spending proclivities of people who were issued debit cards by FEMA during the Katrina disaster indicates that some of them were swimming in champagne and good stuff, too. Among the survival rations that were purchased, we find a $200 [...]


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